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Resolutions: Say no to negativity

For all the promise of joy, peace and harmony that comes with the holiday season, the reality for millions of people is that the season is anything but a celebration.

For all the promise of joy, peace and harmony that comes with the holiday season, the reality for millions of people is that the season is anything but a celebration. For many, it's a reminder of lost loved ones, personal disappointments and dreams left unfulfilled.

But for life coach Teri Johnson, whose personal journey through an imperfect life now inspires others to reach for the lives they've always wanted, the negative "nevers" of the disappointing hand life may have dealt you is where the healing starts. By confronting a never-ending and unproductive cycle of negativity, the elusive joy of the holiday season can be found not just now but every day of the year, says Johnson, author of the newly released book, Overcoming the Nevers.

"You never thought you'd get divorced, but you did. You never dreamed you would find yourself in an abusive relationship, but you are. You never thought you would need to lose 200 pounds, but you do. And you never thought you'd be 45 years old without a job, losing your home and drowning in debt, but you are," says Johnson.

"We start to believe lies about ourselves, such as "I'm not good enough" or "I'm undeserving." We escape our pain and these toxic feelings into unhealthy behaviours and addictions. There is freedom from the struggle; there is hope in discovering the truth; there is a way to fall in love with who we are to experience a joy-filled season, and more importantly a joy-filled life."

Johnson's tools for overcoming the "nevers" that drag many down during the holiday season are:

. Acceptance: Do you have the strength to make the changes necessary to turn a situation around through an attitude of acceptance? Or will you remain powerless, remain in the state of non-acceptance and let everything around you dictate how you feel? The journey starts with accepting that you can't change others, but you do have power over your own life.

. Surrender: What we surrender ourselves to ultimately becomes our god, what we turn to or upon which we rely.

The question then is: What are we surrendered to? Is it something firm, solid and long-lasting or something that hurts us in the end?

. Joyfulness: Hold tight to your unique gifts and talents to enrich your own life and impact the lives of those around you. Build on what you're good at, what makes you special and what makes you feel good about yourself.

. Discovery: Confronting the truth about who we are deep inside helps us overcome our painful past and discover the basis for those "nevers."

. Faith: Until we accept love for ourselves from others and towards others, the healing will not begin. Embracing love is an ongoing process that starts with learning to like yourself and with a willingness to accept your imperfections.