When Johanna answered the door at her friend’s house, the last person she expected to see was the architect of the living hell that was her life as an outcast teenager in a small town high school.
Standing before her was a young man now in his 20s who had, only seven years earlier, taken his turn to body-slam her into the lockers in the hallway or had egged on members of his cool gang to partake of the same daily, year-long bullying, which included name-calling in front of teachers.
Instantly recognizing Johanna (name changed) — despite the fact she had long since moved out of the northern B.C. town — the bully offered what appeared to be a genuine apology for his actions.
“What’s done is done,” Johanna, who has lived and worked in Richmond most of her life, told him at the door.
“I just walked away, but I think, deep down, I felt relieved that it wasn’t me who had done anything wrong.”
Clearly, although the physical and verbal abuse was more than 40 years ago, it’s still burned into Johanna’s memory banks, and she remembers dreading going to school and returning home every day drenched in tears.
“I was a 15 year old, just moved to this town. It was a construction town in the late ‘70s and my dad moved around a lot,” she said.
“There was just one school in the small town and if ‘you’re in, you’re in,’ but if you’re out…
“I wasn’t in that crowd and I just became friends with a girl who had just broken up with one of the popular guys; so both of us were ostracized and got targeted.”
There was about five to 10 boys, recalled Johanna. “I’m sure they could see what effect it was having on me. One guy I’ll never forget; he was the instigator.
“We lived in the big house on the hill and my dad was the boss of the big project in town, so I was an obvious target. I was also very shy and geeky, so I was easy pickings.”
The abuse continued for her first year at that school. It was so bad that her fellow victim actually moved town.
“Now all the negative energy was on me,” she said.
“I would go home in tears and I didn’t want to go to school. My dad felt terrible as he saw me coming home upset every day. I wanted to be as far away from school as possible
“I don’t know if (my parents) did anything. I certainly didn’t recognize anything being done. But it was still the ‘70s then, things were different; it was a case of ‘suck it up.’”
By the third year, the bullying had settled down to occasional name-calling and Johanna had formed a larger social circle.
Despite the passage of time, Joanna said the experience has undoubtedly shaped who she is today.
“You wouldn’t know it, but I’m actually intimidated quite easily and not that confident,” she said.
“Before all of that, I was happy with who I was and didn’t really care too much about what people thought.”
And being a mother of a teenage boy in Richmond means having to deal with issues that come up at school.
“When it comes to that stuff, it’s difficult, it’s almost like I’m back there again,” said Johanna. “I’ve no confidence in myself in dealing with (school) issues that arise.”
However, she couldn’t stand back when it became apparent one of her son’s hockey coaches had been bullying her son for some time, on and off the ice.
“It came to my attention from other players on the team,” she said.
“This coach was always known as a bit of a hot head and he called out my son in front of the team as the one who lost the game for them.
“My son had always said he didn’t like this coach, but I never gave it much thought.
“He would bench him and sit him all the time but it was high level hockey and I just thought that was part of it.
“I went to the head coach to tell him what I’d heard, and he flat denied it happened. We walked away at the end of that season and he now happily plays at a lower level.
“Later, former team mates were coming to us and saying how this coach had always picked on him.”
Her son’s schoolwork has improved, perhaps as a result of being removed from the team.
“Who knows how much this had been affecting him?
“The fire has gone a bit from his hockey and, again, is that connected? Who knows?”
