Give your kids some 'wag'

I was once sitting in my car at the ferry terminal, when I saw a large group of young people arrive back from camp. It was so interesting to watch the reunion between the boys and girls and their parents.

For some, their faces lit up when they saw their parent emerge from a car, and they ran over with a big hug, chatting and grinning. But for others the reunion was not so joyful.

One boy in particular stood out, as he was the last one left after the whole group had been picked up. He stood for a while, and then eventually slumped in the waiting shelter.

Finally, someone did come to get him. But when this man got out of the car, the two of them only grunted at each other before solemnly getting in the car and driving off. I hope that was not his father. That boy looked so forlorn and sad.

Witnessing this reunion reminded me how much children need someone to "wag" for them.

Someone to greet them with sincere, unfettered enthusiasm, not for what they have done, but just for who they are; like the unconditional love of a dog greeting his owner after a long day.

So often when I greet my children after school, I am thinking "hurry up, lets go!" or "did you wash your face this morning?" or "do you have all your homework?"

I do this because I love them so much and I want them to succeed and make a good impression on the world. But all they see is the critical look of concern on my face, and they feel my disapproval, not my love.

I am trying to change. I try to remember the first pair of shoes my nine-year-old had as a little toddler, or the last time my seven-year-old did something kind. When I can get in touch with the tender feelings inside, it helps me radiate a sincere happiness to be with my boys.

I picture the recent time my seven-year-old made me laugh or the imagined image of my nine-year-old as a young man, suitcase in hand, kissing me goodbye as he moves out.

Sometimes I need to shift my perspective to appreciate the child right in front of me, rather than wishing he was a neater eater or more organized in the homework department.

As a teacher, it's easier for me to keep such perspective. I truly get attached to 99 per cent of the children I work with and I find it easier to see each child for all their quirky uniqueness when they are not mine.

Yes, this child struggles to spell his own name, but he's so gung ho about being alive, his zest for living is infectious. Yes, that child is very sensitive and cries more easily, but look at his inquisitive mind and his curiosity about the world.

It is harder to appreciate my own children, because they are my children and my ego gets involved. One of the biggest challenges of parenting is learning to love the children we have, even if they are not the children we dreamed of in our fantasies.

So if you're blessed to have a child in your life, the next time you're with them, try to see them with fresh eyes. What is unique and wonderful about this person? Show them some wag. We all need a little unconditional love in our lives.

Sarah Dakin is a Richmond mom of three and a teacher with the Delta school district. When not working or caring for her household, she can be found reading or dreaming about future pet dogs.