Her smile widened and eyes lit up as she verbally painted the picture of children playing and their moms all cooking as a team.
Days, sometimes hours, earlier, they were prefect strangers, who could only guess what troubles were tainting their lives behind closed doors.
They were all thrown together, often in the dead of night and with little more than a suitcase of belongings to their name.
Yet here they were, making the best of it, united by a traumatic set of circumstances, which were both unique in their own homes but bound by the brutal commonality of an abusive partner.
Valeria Titareva was one of those children in her virtual painting of life at Nova House, a transition home in Richmond for women and children fleeing domestic violence.
Titareva — who had only immigrated from the Ukraine a year earlier — was eight-years-old when she, her mom and grandmother sought refuge one morning at Nova House.
It was only when asked how her experience at the home shaped her life, that her smile momentarily withered and her head bowed ever so slightly in a vain bid to mask her eyes that were now filling up.
“It empowered me for sure,” said Titareva, now 25, still living with her mom in central Richmond.
“It made me realize that you’re capable of doing anything you want. It made me realize that you don’t have to suffer in an abusive relationship and that there’s always a way out; there’s always help out there and that you’re not alone.”
Titareva is currently working in Vancouver and is a year away from gaining her CPA designation as an accountant.
Apart from the first six months of her new life in Canada, Titareva has lived in Richmond since she immigrated as an only child with her parents from the Ukraine 19 years ago, when she was seven years old.
She said her mother wanted more opportunities for her, as it was not long after the break-up of Russia and “things were very unsteady in the Ukraine.”
Prior to moving here, however, there were problems with her parents’ relationship.
“It wasn’t the best way to start a new life in Canada,” she said.
“I remember my grandmother, on my mother’s side, coming over to visit after about a year.
“There was a big fight and (my dad) raised his hands to my mother and pushed her into a wall.
“That was the first time he had been violent towards her. He had been emotionally and mentally abusive in the past. She freaked out; she got scared and called the police.”
Titareva said her dad was advised by the police to spend the night at a friend’s house. “But my mom decided she wanted to leave and we packed up as much as we could and moved straight into Nova House the next morning,” she recalled.
“We lived close by anyway, in central Richmond.”
The amount of support lavished on her family that first morning “was incredible,” said Titareva.
“My mom got so much help that day, so much so that she didn’t need to go back home. They even offered to help my mom sponsor my grandmother.
“Mom still had very little English, but Nova House was very able to help us, as they speak so many languages.
“I remember I was nervous, but not scared because as I was with my mom. As long as I was with her, I was OK.”
Within a day, the staff at Nova House had enrolled Titareva in a new school, just for the week, and she got a new schoolbag and new supplies.
“I always remember being asked what kind of books and toys I liked and then being given new ones. It was kind of fun,” said Titareva, who went on to graduate from Thompson elementary, Richmond High and McNair secondary.
“I remember there was an Asian lady and her son, two Caucasian ladies, one of them had twins and one had a toddler. We were all from different cultures and spoke different languages. But there was cooking and eating together, all the kids playing together. Everything was shared. There was a playground for the children. It was more like a retreat, in a weird way.
“My mom still has a recipe from one of the Asian ladies and still uses it today.”
Titareva fondly recalls a scene where her grandmother, who spoke even less English than Titareva’s mom, was “talking” to a Chinese lady.
“Neither should have been able to understand the other, but somehow they managed to communicate,” she said.
“I think that was because the connections that were being made in there were so strong, that the language barrier didn’t exist.”
After a week in Nova House, and with profuse apologies from her dad to change his ways, Titareva’s mom decided to move back to the family home.
But such was the profound, seven-day experience living at Nova House, the young Titareva said many more tears were shed.
“Even though we were only there for a short time, we developed very strong relationships,” she said.
“We were all crying; it felt like we were leaving a family. We were all very emotional.
“We were all going through the same thing; the uncertainty and the emotions.”
Titareva said there were still problems at home, none violent, but “they kind of held it together.
“I guess it was comforting that the family was back together and my dad was great for a while, but that only lasted for so long.”
It lasted for another 10 years, as it happens, during which time Titareva became a big sister to her now 14-year-old brother.
Her parents have now been separated for five years and her father lives in Burnaby.
Although Nova House had clearly left a mark on Titareva, she admits she’d largely forgotten about it — until a chance conversation last October with a former high school friend.
“She asked me to help out with an organization; it needed an accountant,” said Titareva.
“It was only when I looked into it that I realized (it was Nova House operators Chimo).
“I knew instantly that, at the very least, I would be signing up to volunteer.
“The board obviously had no idea I’d been through Nova House, they were very excited when they found out.”
Titareva now sits proudly on the board at Chimo and, not long after taking her seat, she got to tour the new Nova House.
“It’s beautiful and is so big. There is a big dining room and a playground; the memories all came back,” she said.
“It may be a different building in a different location than the one I was in, but the activities and the connections were still the same.
“I knew then that I’d gone full circle. I guess it was meant to be.”
- Nova House crisis line: 604-270-4911 -
