In the flood-lit shadow of the Old Woman's Shoe, I made a desperate attempt to flee the onslaught. There seemed no way out.
No matter how hard I pulled on the throttle, my pursuer gained and gained, all the time he rained down the back of my neck a constant icy-cold water jet.
Much to the amusement of my snap-happy wife, I was coming off much the worse in my first bumper boat battle with my 10-year-old son, Ben.
When our five minutes of evening "family fun" was up and his tiny reign of terror was over, I swear I couldn't have been wetter if I'd climbed out of the nearby ocean at Parksville beach.
In fact, I'm pretty damn sure the sea on this little old-fashioned slice of Vancouver Island, which is known to have the most temperate shores in Canada, would have been warmer than the waterfall that cascaded down my back.
Thankfully, it was just a 50 yard squelch from the Paradise Fun Park, with its faux castle and Old Woman's Shoe, to our pet-friendly Paradise Seashell Motel room - paradise, ironically, being the word furthest from my mind for that wet 30-second walk.
Bumper boats aside, the mini-golf at Paradise is the showcase track - and a fair bit drier - for one of the attractions in the Parksville and Qualicum Beach area.
Under the lamps after dark, the Paradise course pays incredible attention to detail and is rife with imagination - featuring two fun-filled courses, complete with giant clocks, pirate ships, caves and lighthouses.
There are plenty of other fun courses nearby as well, including Riptide Lagoon and Nature Golf; but Paradise trumps them all.
With its moniker as the "Mini-golf capital of the Island," Parksville/Qualicum is a welcome step back in time to when families headed en masse to the nearest seaside resort town for their vacation.
Basically, if you like mini-golf, bumper boats, village markets, beautiful nature trails, walks along the beach and fish 'n' chips, then this is your idea of heaven.
Taking the two-hour ferry from Tsawwassen to Nanaimo is an opportunity to stand on the deck and watch the hustle and bustle of the mainland fade into the distance - for a few days at least.
And with wide, sandy beaches of Parksville just 40 minutes or so up the coast, you'll not be wasting half your trip in the car either.
The narrow strip of land between the sea and mountains that is home to Parksville and Qualicum Beach is referred to locally as Oceanside.
The reason being that there's not much that doesn't happen by the sea in these parts, not least because of the aforementioned warm paddling water.
Beachcombing, swimming, fishing or just strolling the hard-packed expanse when the tide rolls out are all favourite pastimes of locals and tourists alike.
We did partake of one or two Oceanside ventures - Rathtrevor Beach is raw, rugged and captivating; but totally dog-unfriendly; while Qualicum Beach does allow dogs, at least, on-leash. We couldn't find an off-leash beach, so it would be hard-pushed to describe Oceanside as genuinely pet-friendly.
The late summer rain showers pushed us further inland for entertainment, where we discovered there's more depth to the quaint region than mini-golf and motels.
Coombs, a tiny village about 10 minutes drive west, plays host to a daily marketplace where the star attraction is the Goats on the Roof village supermarket, which, yes, on occasion, does have goats eating the grass on its roof.
The village also has a rather eccentric emporium, complete with about a dozen or so stone sculptures, including a Buddha, and a cartoonesque shipwreck - which legend has it belonged to a Captain Coombs, who centuries ago, was swept to that very spot in his ship by a tsunami wave.
A few kilometres down the country road was the World Parrot Refuge, which was an absolute hoot, if you pardon the pun.
For a small entrance fee, you're invited to roam inside the giant parrot house, where rescued and unwanted parrots are taken in from around the globe.
Such is the proximity of these guys, you are warned to keep jewellery and anything dangly or shiny out of sight, they will steal it!
It is noisy, though, so be prepared to have your ear drums tested. They are genuinely friendly and funny as well as noisy and many of them will be trying to connect with you by showing off their mimicking vocal chords.
A picnic at Little Qualicum Falls, about another 15 minutes northwest, is also highly recommended, with its winding nature trails and picturesque waterfalls, weaving its way down the canyon.
We tried and failed to get to the renowned Horne Lake Caves Park, about another half an hour north of Parksville. But the 15 kilometres of rough gravel road that leads to the park was too much for our little car and we gave up less than halfway up the track.
Instead, we headed back towards Oceanside and paid a visit to the neat little ye olde town of Qualicum Beach, home of The Vintage Kandy Store. Be warned, give yourself a "know your limit, eat within it" rule, you WILL see everything you spent your allowance on as a kid.
IF YOU GO:
? www.bcferries.com;
? www.visitparksvillequalicumbeach. com;
? www.paradisefunpark.net
acampbell@richmond-news.com
