Her steely resolve compromised for a second and her voice cracking slightly, Kamal Dhillon relived for 150 or so strangers, at a Richmond hotel, the moment she dug deep to find the strength to fight back.
“It was the children that gave me the strength to fight mentally that night,” said author and domestic violence counsellor Dhillon, keynote speaker Wednesday at Richmond-based Chimo Community Services’ annual domestic violence conference, as she described yet another savage beating at the hands of her husband.
“I yelled and screamed and somebody came to help me; there was a light.
“I couldn’t figure out who that person was. I later realized, it was God.”
Such was the defiance in the face of brutality that Dhillon was now displaying, her husband had her committed to a mental institute in India — where they were living at the time — for electric shock treatment.
“I was put in there because I was starting to stand up for myself,” she said.
“But it was there that someone tried to help me. They got me a one-way ticket back to Canada.”
Unfortunately, Dhillon’s husband found out and was waiting at the airport.
“My kids found out and asked to be put in the suitcase, assuring me they would be good kids,” she said, still visibly upset at recalling the moment.
“He later made me drink Lisol and told the doctors I was trying to commit suicide.
“My message to everyone out there, though, is don’t give up.”
Before Dhillon got married in Richmond, she said her husband, coming from one of the wealthiest families in India, was a charming man.
Within three hours of becoming a wife, however, she was sat down in a room, with her husband swearing and drinking next door, and was told that her husband was now God and he was everything.
“From then on, I was the victim of this man; day in, day out, in my own home,” she said.
“I was tortured, beaten, bound and kept in a corner for hours. I had to get permission to go to the bathroom.
“He took me to India under false pretences and sodomized me after tying me up with my nylons. I sat there, planning my escape from this ‘everyday terrorism.’
“He would break my face. You may not notice, but I have an artificial jaw, my husband broke it so badly, I’ve had 10 surgeries.”
During one of the surgeries, Dhillon’s heart stopped, sparking a code blue resuscitation.
“Because of one man’s rage and brutality, I will suffer for the rest of my life.
“I got married into one of the richest families in India but no one could imagine that what was happening behind closed doors, was a murder waiting to happen.”
Dhillon said her biggest fear was her children seeing her getting murdered.
“My daughter recently recalled how it was “sunny on the outside, but dark inside our home. They said they wanted to finish school as quickly as possible, so they could come home and check that I was still alive.
“My husband would get the children together and ask them if their mom beat them? Scared, they would say yes. He would then order them to beat me and, scared again, they would tap me. He would then take over.”
Having found the bravery to escape, Dhillon “kidnapped” her kids and smuggled them into Canada; before going “into hiding.”
“One day, I got a call from my niece, telling me my husband had died,” said Dhillon.
“He had drowned. Drowned in the same place where he had tried to drown me.
“I went to the funeral with the kids, just to make sure he was actually dead. And at the funeral, I did something I didn’t think I could do. I forgave him. Not for him. For me. I no longer wanted to live with the hatred. That was the day my life began again.”
Her voice lifting and with a suggestion of a smile, she fast forwarded to today, explaining how her children are her “biggest cheerleaders.”
“It’s amazing, because I really feared the girls would grow up to be abused and the boys would become abusers.”
Dhillon said she’s frequently asked why she stayed with her husband so long?
“Fear,” she said, simply.
“He tried to silence me by breaking my jaw, but today, my voice is louder than ever.
“It’s not easy standing up here…telling strangers how my husband raped me and urinated on me. But what I would like is for you all to go back to your homes and say, ‘each one of us matters’ and ‘never give up.’
“And if your neighbour always seems to have her curtains closed and maybe doesn’t talk to you, maybe she’s been warned never to make eye contact with anyone.
“If you think that’s happening, don’t turn your back, take over some baking or something and say hello.”
Dhillon is the author of Black & Blue Sari, an autobiographical account of her life with an abusive spouse.
Chimo Community Services is a non-profit organization helping people in crisis and transition. If you or someone you know is involved in domestic violence, call Chimo at 604-279-7077 or go online to chimoservices.com. In an emergency, call 9-1-1.
