Death is a subject that has intrigued me for much of my life, being the focus of much deep contemplation.
Alongside birth, it is the most significant event we will ever experience — but the concept of death can also be our greatest fear. Our survival instincts take this fear seriously, motivating us to stay alive at all costs. We invest enormous amounts of time, energy, and money trying to avoid or postpone death, yet it remains the one certainty all humanity shares.
Around the world, cultures and religions have developed various beliefs systems to help with this fear alongside numerous speculations about what happens after death, but that’s a topic for another article.
Instead, I want to explore the great value of contemplating death itself. Reflecting on our mortality can be deeply beneficial so long as we don't allow fear to take over.
In Buddhist philosophy, meditating on death is considered one of the most important practices. Death can come at any time and reflecting on it thoughtfully, we can better prepare ourselves to heal, grow, and release emotional burdens that no longer serve us. Imagine for a moment that you had only one week left to live. What would you think about? What would truly matter?
In my twenties, I read a book that profoundly impacted me called ‘On Death and Dying’ by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. It inspired me to complete hospice training to better understand myself and support others at the end of their lives. While I haven’t worked formally in hospice for over two decades, I’ve been present for the final moments of numerous individuals and I consider it a most sacred honour.
Lessons from the dying
As people approach the end of their lives, they often share what they wish they had done differently. Regret is a common thread in these intimate, heartfelt conversations, and is usually centred around the following areas:
- Estrangement or broken relationships that were never healed
- Losing touch with loved ones
- Guilt from poor life choices and the harm inflicted on others
- Failing to be honest or authentic
- Worrying too much about others’ opinions and validation
- Taking family for granted
- Working too much and missing their children’s milestones
- Letting fear or self-doubt stop them from chasing dreams
- Failing to be present and not enjoying life fully
- Neglecting their physical health
These are not small regrets — they are deeply human reflections. And they offer us a powerful opportunity to make changes to the way we live now.
Living without regret
Reflecting on these regrets can offer us profound insight. What would you regret at the end of your life? And what changes can you make now to prevent that?
Could you reach out to someone you’ve lost contact with, or write a heartfelt letter to someone you’ve wronged? Could you begin to mend broken relationships, be more honest about your feelings, or stop prioritizing pride over connection?
You might commit to working less and living more, paying closer attention to your children, your body, and your joy. We cannot take our pride, our identity or our money with us, so why let it stand in the way of what truly matters?
What guides me, more than anything, is this: When I reach my final moments, I want to feel at peace with how I lived. I want to know that I did more good than harm, that I contributed positively to the world, and that I loved as fully and freely as I could.
Living with intention and love is not always easy — but it’s worth striving for. When we commit to healing and to living from the heart, I hope our departure from this life may be more serene.
This article is dedicated to my two fathers: one deceased and the other approaching the end of his life.
To a beautiful and meaningful transition from this life to... whatever comes next.
Claire Nielsen is a health coach, author, public speaker and founder of www.elixirforlife.ca. The information provided in the above article is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional health and medical advice. Please consult a doctor, health-care provider or mental health practitioner if you're seeking medical advice, diagnoses and/or treatment.
