In our last column, Eileen, a seasoned visitor, gave us some mighty fine tips on how to spend time with our elderly relatives, friends and loved ones.
Here she goes again with more of her secrets. (Again, please note, this information in not dealing with those with dementia.)
The last time we spoke with Eileen she told us she had been reading the research literature and it sounded to her like she could have written much of it herself.
All her ideas had been tested and they work.
Eileen calls them secrets to successful visiting.
1. Location: Think about where to spend time together. If your loved one lives in a nursing home or senior's residence you might visit in their room or suite or the lounge, garden, solarium or sundeck.
Or in the car or in your home, or a restaurant.
Try them all if possible. Go for a ride, go to the park, have a picnic lunch on the nursing home grounds.
This variety can improve your chances of enjoying your time together. For many older people, a change is better than a rest.
2. What to take: Many people say it's not necessary to take anything but a pleasant smile and yourself.
But think about it. Many of you visit regularly and have done so for years.
We think it makes for a nice visit to have something "up your sleeve."
A snap shot of a recent trip or old snaps of pleasant memories, a piece of artwork from the greatgrand children, a clump of colourful leaves, the first blossom in your garden, a homemade cookie.
Keep a box at home and put things in it to take when you visit.
It doesn't take much time and most often is a nice way to start a conversation.
Taking a special something can help maintain or develop new interests.
But as we all know, the best gift is your cheerful company.
The only kind of giving you can omit is giving advice.
3. Taking leave: At times it's hard to wind up a visit. When you think this might happen, tell your relative you have half an hour today and stick to it. Tell them when you will see them again and don't make promises unless you know you can keep them.
It is distressing to an elderly person to hear things like "as soon as we get a nice sunny day I'll take you out for a drive through the park."
We live in the rain. It's lovely and fresh, makes flowers bloom and bushes smell good.
If it is comfortable for you and your relative, your last gesture before you walk out could be a caring touch, a squeeze of the hand or a big hug. "See you Thursday afternoon, Mom, at three."
4. What to do after a difficult visit: Visiting week after week can be depressing and let's face it, for some, it's a real chore.
It is important to look after yourself, particularly when you have a disturbing or frustrating time while visiting.
Have a plan in mind for these days. Coffee with a friend, a little shopping spree, a walk in the park.
Or anything that will make you feel better.
We asked Eileen if she had any other tips that really worked for her and made the time she spent with her mother more satisfying and happy.
She said "I have many more secrets and I'll be glad to share them." So stay tuned.
Jan Gazley RN, BScN is a nurse with 25 years of experience including caring for people with dementia.
She owns and operates One to One Home Health, helping you advocate for your health and providing care management. Contact Jan at onetoonehomehealth.ca or 604-786-6165.
Wendy Thompson MA is a gerontologist, caregiver consultant and coach, published author and former olympian.
She has taught and coached hundreds of caregivers and is known for her ability to empower and motivate others to live happier, healthier lives. Her promise is to help make your caregiver life easier.
Wendy is available for consulting and coaching at 604-275-0091.
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