Ageism is defined as “prejudice or discrimination on the basis of a person’s age.”
While ageism could also refer to a particular age group such as Millennials, or teens, we typically associate it with the elderly. And elderly, believe it or not, is defined as “being past middle age.” The nerve!
It started the first time someone called me ma’am. I had to turn around to see who they were talking to.
Then I thought, “oh-oh, this is how it starts.” No one has yet to give me their seat on the bus though, unless I’m wearing my enormous knee brace.
When I’m in a restaurant full of younger people, guess who gets the best service? The prettiest, youngest woman.
Is it because she’s beautifully fresh-faced? Or wearing a skimpy, revealing top? Or because she smiles sweetly at the male server? Yes. Yes. And yes.
To be clear, she doesn’t even have to smile at the server. When we take my gorgeous, 25-year-old niece out for dinner, we ALWAYS get better service. Case closed.
Sitting alone at a restaurant, however, I am virtually invisible.
I get offered the crappiest seat in the house (by the bathroom or kitchen), and service is usually sluggish. It’s kind of ironic when you think about it.
Because we “elderly” usually have bigger incomes than a twenty-something, and often tip better. Don’t servers get it?
Actually, the female servers are savvier than the males, especially when I’m with my husband, Harvey.
The assumption is that he’s the one with the money. It almost never fails – the female servers playfully touch Harvey’s shoulder or arm, and give him their brightest smile, in the hope of a bigger tip. Which they usually get.
He likes the female attention, and who can blame him? You can bet he’s not going to yell “sexual harassment!”
If a handsome male server touched my arm or shoulder as he was about to present me with the bill, I too, might be inclined to leave a bigger tip. But that never happens. Why? Because I’m invisible.
Also, because there’s more likelihood a woman would interpret that as sexual harassment.
I also notice how some younger people make a point of talking louder and slower to me, as though, at age 61, I’m both deaf and stupid.
I try not to let it get to me, but it’s hard. Especially having once been young and pretty myself. Believe me, I’m painfully aware that those days are long gone.
So, what’s the best approach to dealing with ageism and invisibility? Humour.
Next time someone overlooks you, just say: “I can’t stand all this attention. Could you please dial it down?”
Works every time.
Shelley Civkin is a former communications officer.
