I’ve decided to take down my Canadian flag and run up a white one, instead. I am finally surrendering to the GRATABAM (Get Rid Of All Trees And Build Another Megahouse) forces that are attacking our community.
Our general and his lieutenants, who were supposed to defend our city from rapacious marauders and invaders and guide us into a future defined by informed and enlightened community planning and development, deserted their posts several years ago. So, there has been nothing to stand in the way of the GRATABAM army as it relentlessly clears the environment of all things tall and green and covers over thousands of lots with oversized edifices, expansive bricked driveways, massive defensive parapets and iron gates.
I and a few other long-entrenched defenders have done whatever we could to try and protect what’s left of the community that we have lived in and supported for so many generations, but it seems that those in charge of defending us from the ongoing de-construction of our way of life have gone over to the other side and now see us, rather than the invading forces, as being the problem.
Our leaders have deserted their posts, our numbers are rapidly dwindling, there are no reinforcements ready to move to the front to help us, and the power and money behind GRATABAM is impossible to defend against.
It looks like it is time to admit defeat and say goodbye to our lovely trees, shrubbery, lawns, and gardens and either become environmental refugees or resign ourselves to adjusting to a new lifestyle in half-deserted neighbourhoods devoid of children and friendly neighbours and filled with sprinklers that illegally water overgrown lawns throughout the summer.
Planning for a formal surrender ceremony to take place on the terrace at City Hall is in the works. Stay tuned.