Dear Editor,
Re: “City asks for $5.5M for rezoning,” News, Dec. 18.
It’s a salty comedy — a farce with all the ingredients of a blockbuster, what with skullduggery, power, greed, money, but no lust.
On one side of the Mighty Fraser River, we have the pirates of Onni Group Ltd., who want to plunder the buried treasure hidden on the Island of Onni but are stranded at anchor because of a rezoning application.
They don’t want to be in the fishing industry anymore but would like to build loads of condominiums with kitchenettes with lovely views and at a lovely price. So you know somebody will have to walk the plank for them to get their own way, again, and that, me hearties, will probably be us, the Richmond taxpayers.
On the other side, we have the City of Richmond pirates. I don’t know what they’re doing as they are heading completely in the wrong direction and are half way up Finn Slough. But, don’t worry, they have a consultant on board so everything should turn out OK for this motley crew (ha! ha!), unlike the Steveston Merchants ship, which has been on the rocks for years.
But, look on the bright side, the merchants will soon be able to buy their groceries on the Isle of Save On. However, if they want a hardware island in the village, forget it. They will have to travel all the way to the Isle of Rona in the future.
Maybe the pirates of Onni should have consulted the pirates of Steveston Harbour Authority, who own plenty of islands around Steveston called the Paid Parking Islands, which nobody ever uses, especially on Chatham Island, which lies empty and forlorn most of the time while people visiting Steveston drive past it — looking for parking.
I wonder if the City of Richmond pirates should consider selling the film rights of this saga to Disney, as all the film companies and crews love coming to Steveston. Then maybe Mickey Mouse or Johnny Depp could play the lead roles. I hope they can act better than the pirates of Richmond and Onni.
Anyway, don’t fear as Captain James Cook is on his way in his boat Endeavour to sort things out — although if he makes land in central Richmond, he might think he has landed in a Far East port because he won’t be able to read the signage there. Also, he might not get his boat through the Massey Tunnel and then we will have to build a bridge, which will take years. Well, he can leave his boat somewhere local and take TransLink, but it might take him hours to get to Steveston.
I know the answer! Keep Isle of Onni zoned as marine and it can be a fish-canning factory, like it was before. Because the only thing that was wrong with that place was the smell.
Funny how history has a way of repeating itself.
Happy New Year!
Frankie Neilson
Richmond
