It was only when it was pointed out to me by another player on the team that my eyes were opened.
After 12 years as a youth soccer coach, I believed I was alert to the signals of an actual or potential bullying situation.
I’m aware of the signs to look for in identifying a problem and the processes to follow when an issue arises.
And I’m confident I know the difference between “banter” between players and the line that’s crossed before the “B” word can be used.
For some reason, I’d missed this one. Once it was on my radar, it was glaringly obvious — subtle enough to evade the casual observer, but clear as day when I took a step back.
There it was. Targeted and sustained; two very important words when distinguishing between banter and bullying.
It wasn’t “in your face” bullying.
It was the singling out and being made fun of over on-the-field errors, when best buds got away with the same mistakes; it was the persistent refusal to pass the ball to a certain player despite them being wide open; it was the exclusion off the field when it came to warming up in groups and chatting.
Initially, my instinct, in full view of his teammates, was to turn the spotlight back on the bully from a coaching perspective, given that the bully was making just as many, if not more, mistakes than the victim.
But realizing I’d be no better than the bully, I resisted, choosing instead over the next few weeks to empower the victim with more one-on-one coaching to reduce the mistakes which kicked off the bullying.
Off the field, I used statistics from games to illustrate who was making the most mistakes (yes, the bully was at the very top of the chart).
And I told the players they have my permission to retort to anyone indulging in any ridiculing by pointing out their errors on the field.
Soon after, on a trip to a tournament in the U.S., I made the two players in question roommates in the hotel, with two other teammates.
I hoped the bully would see the target of their “banter” for what they are: another teenager, perhaps with the same insecurities as them.
I wouldn’t say they became fast friends. But the bullying stopped overnight.
Unfortunately, bullying is not confined to a sports field full of teenagers. It’s all around us, at school and in our places of work.
It’s unlikely it will ever be eradicated and we can argue all day about what makes a bully and why someone becomes a target. We’re not all psychologists.
With Pink Shirt Day around the corner, however, it’s important to keep our eyes wide open and be willing to step into uncomfortable situations — especially when it’s easier to look the other way.
Regular columnist Eve Edmonds will return March 14.
