Where are you from?
It’s an innocent enough question — or is it?
Douglas Todd, who will be speaking at Kwantlen Polytechnic University April 3 as part of the school’s public TALK program, points to the question and, more importantly, the fact some find it offensive as an example of the disconnect that is happening among cultural groups in Richmond and throughout Lower Mainland.
Todd is a Vancouver Sun columnist. He had for some time written on issues of spirituality and religion, but more recently has turned his focus to immigration and integration.
In doing so, he’s developed a bit of a reputation for posing some uncomfortable questions about cultural values. He says he is trying to create space for individuals to have frank conversations without fear of being called a racist.
This is familiar territory in Richmond. Many have been at pains to carefully articulate their opposition to certain land developments or bylaw policies without sounding reactionary or discriminatory. We’ve run numerous remarkably eloquent letters to that effect. Some may scoff at the so-called preciousness of it all, but there’s good reason to tread carefully. Racism, or at least “othering”, is never too far below the surface. You know, the “they” buy certain houses; “they” drive certain cars. I would agree, only my definition of “they” would have more to do with class than culture.
But back to the point about where are you from?
Todd notes that some find the question offensive, but argues it’s important that we get curious about each other’s cultures. It’s getting to know differences that will help build a more harmonious society.
I agree it’s important to get curious about cultures, but I also think it’s important to get curious about why that question is offensive to some.
About 20 years ago, I was working at the Ottawa Sun with a woman who had dark skin and a Canadian accent. And, of course, I asked her that very question: Where are you from? She said “Toronto.” I stumbled around not knowing how to ask what I really wanted to know.
“So you want to know where I’m really from,” she said. I might have said yes but realized she was being sarcastic.
Clearly, she was offended, which, frankly, offended me. She looked South Asian and I’d been to India and thought we could talk about it. My question was born out of a genuine interest in her and her culture.
At the same time, I got it — at least I get it now. Her skin may be darker than mine, but so what? To ask where someone is really from implies they’re not really from Canada, which must be rather disconcerting when this is your home.
My friend, and she did end up becoming a good friend, was more than happy to talk about her ethnicity and culture. She just didn’t want to be labelled as “other.”
So, Todd is right. We need to get curious, but not just about other cultures but also about our own ways in which we (often unwittingly) alienate and isolate others.
