So it’s Mother’s Day this weekend.
I’m looking forward to being showered with flowers, gifts and unending adulation. Hear that, kids?
Actually, a hug would do.
Besides, flowers and gifts would have the woman behind the day of honour rolling in her grave. Anna Jarvis started the movement as a tribute not only to her own mother but to the contribution mothers in general make to society. But when Hallmark turned it into a bonanza marketing opportunity, Jarvis became the day’s most vocal opponent.
But, regardless of how one celebrates, or doesn’t celebrate, this seems like a fitting time to talk about the whole motherhood thing. Granted, that could take a while, so I’ll keep it to a few of my impressions, starting with my grandmother.
I remember being in my 20s and coming home from university all fired up about a Women’s Studies course I’d taken. I was telling her about women’s right, economic inequality, sexual harassment.
Her reply: “The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.”
It stopped me mid feminist harangue.
It’s a concept that not only speaks to the power of women (being born in 1889, cradle rocking was definitely a women’s thing) it also acknowledges the significance of early childhood development.
The line is from a poem What Rules the World, written in 1865 by William Ross. In it, Ross, who was raised by a single mom, praises motherhood as the single most powerful force for change in the world.
I like that idea. Who doesn’t want to change the world? However, when you’re ready to stick your head through the wall because you can’t even get your kid to put on her pajamas, it’s hard to feel like Wonder Woman.
Interesting note, most people today are familiar with the line because “the hand that rocks the cradle” was used as the title of a 1992 thriller about a psychopathic nanny who tries to steal her boss’ children.
But even without psycho nannies in the picture, the whole motherhood thing can be rather complicated. Nothing is more lauded than a “good mother” and nothing’s so vilified than a “bad” one. And women who simply choose not to have children are subject to yet another set of moral judgements.
Comedian Michelle Wolf recently did a hilarious piece about the fact she doesn’t want a baby; she wants a career, and derides that old: “But, Michelle, you can have it all.”
I can’t do the routine justice, but suffice it to say, you can’t really have it all; those hands doing the rocking are subject to all sorts of social restraints.
But back to my grandmother. Apart from any lofty concepts of motherhood and how they’ve been used to both exalt and oppress women, what I took away from that conversation with her (she was in her 90s at the time) was simply the fact, yes, women do have power and how we raise kids matters.
To that, I say Happy Mother’s Day.
