You know those moments at the dinner table when you’re dying to entertain family members or friends with a whimsical, observational, slice-of-life, anecdotal experience of the day?
Thankfully, working in Richmond for seven years packs your conversational armoury with a plentiful supply of ammunition, from the bizarre driving habits of the locals to the clashes when two, three or even four cultures collide in a perfect storm, as opposed to the politician’s oft-spoken “perfect harmony” buzzword.
The latter of the two Richmond-centric phenomenon surfaced in all its glory while I nipped into the local Canadian Superstore on No. 3 Road last week to pick up my rations of Lou’s bacon and Jamaican Ginger Beer — which I can’t find anywhere else in the Lower Mainland.
As I edged slowly down the express checkout line, it became apparent there was a Richmond-special incident unfolding at the business end of the queue.
An elderly Chinese lady was attempting to take advantage of one of the store’s many great deals, a jumbo pack of toilet tissue at half price — a number which escaped my attention, such was the comedy that was unfolding.
Suffice to say, the very pleasant, smiling senior didn’t speak a word of English and was having immense difficulty understanding that, as with many supermarket discount deals, you’re limited to an amount; one as it happened to be on this occasion. She wanted to buy two.
Trouble is, the check-out lady, who appeared to be of Caribbean descent, spoke only broken English with an extremely heavy accent, which even I — although possessing a deep Scottish brogue myself — was having to really concentrate on to catch.
At first, with the clock ticking on a deadline day, the needle on my angst meter was poking into the red as the situation descended into a farcical, language stalemate between two people from opposite reaches of the planet, united by the cheapness of toilet tissue.
After what seemed like an eternity, but was closer to four or five minutes, I just leaned back onto the shelf behind, relaxed and watched the show. A little popcorn and aforementioned Jamaican Ginger Beer would have been nice.
And just when all concerned in the now 10-deep express line thought the show was over, it took another Richmond-esque twist.
An Asian lady further down the queue intervened in an attempt to interpret.
After about a minute or so of Chinese verbage flying back and forth between the still-smiling elderly customer and the irritated interpreter, the multi-lingual customer turned to the Caribbean check-out lady and said “she doesn’t understand” and, wait for it, “she speaks Cantonese and I speak Mandarin, so she doesn’t understand me either.”
The toilet tissue was processed twice and the wee Chinese lady simply paid twice. Job done.
Only in Richmond.
Alan Campbell is a news reporter for the Richmond News. [email protected]
