It occurred to me recently that I spent the first two thirds of my life wanting people to look at me, and now I’m spending the last third hoping they won’t. And this too, is part of retirement.
Between the dark spot on my face, my ever-expanding mid-section, my frown lines and facial wrinkles, what the heck is left that anybody would want to look at anyway? As you can tell, I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around the physical changes that accompany aging. Yes, I know I can slow down time with exercise and moisturizers (or, heaven forbid, botox), but the operative words here are “slow down.” Time takes its toll on everybody, no matter what you do to fight back.
Don’t even get me started on the youth of today, who don’t even appreciate what they’ve got. Like George Bernard Shaw said: “Youth is wasted on the young.” The question is, was he saying it out of jealousy, or wisdom?
I look at young women today and wonder if they even know how beautiful they are – with their soft, plumped up skin; their firm bodies; their lustrous, shiny hair; their energy. Between all the fashion magazines flaunting perfect figures, and the plethora of social media sites dedicated to what’s on the outside, rather than the inside, it’s no wonder we become insecure as we age. But as some of my much older friends assure me, there will come a time when I just won’t give a damn anymore. I certainly don’t want to wish time away, but I kind of look forward to the day when I don’t judge myself every time I see my reflection in a mirror.
What I’d like to see are magazines geared to women age 60 and older. Oops, I meant better. I’m talking fashion magazines, not magazines that tout the latest trends in discreet adult diapers or cholesterol-reducing foods. There’s no law against wanting to look fashionable and attractive as we age. Call me ageist, but at 62 I’m not interested in wearing elastic-waist pants and baggy tops….yet.
Here’s the disconnect though: I feel 25 on the inside, but I definitely look 62 on the outside. Find me a store that sells reasonably-priced stylish clothes for older women and I’ll show you a cat with wings. I know I sound shallow and preoccupied with this fashion stuff, but let me set the record straight: I don’t spend sleepless nights obsessing about clothes. I do, however, have plenty of sleepless nights. That also comes with the territory of being a 60+ woman. I don’t have a single friend my age, that doesn’t suffer from insomnia or interrupted sleep.
Thank goodness retirement has the panacea for that. It’s called napping. Which is exactly what I need on those days when all my volunteer activities tire me out. Here’s to catching some zzzz’s. Just for the record, I score very high on the naptitude test….
Shelley Civkin, the retired “Face of Richmond,” was a Librarian & Communications Officer at Richmond Public Library for nearly 30 years, and author of a weekly book review column for 17 years.
