Some might think it’s odd that I find a book about hospice work beautiful. Yet, there’s profound wisdom and wonder that exists not only in life experiences, but also in those surrounding dying. Kerry Egan, author of On Living, is a hospice chaplain who shares her intimate stories of working with dying patients. Not only is Egan a subtle and empathetic writer, but she’s the kind of person whose love and patience is a true gift to the dying. As she says in her book: “I learned that the best thing to alleviate the suffering of the soul is the kindness of another human being.”
I know that a lot of people fear death and dying, and what Egan does is offer a different perspective on what is essentially just another part of life. The stories and confessions related to her by her patients speak volumes about regret, anger, fear and shame. But they also speak joyously about love and contentment.
As we get older and know more and more people who are dying too young from horrific diseases, death seems like it’s always lurking in the neighbourhood, ready to pounce on the unsuspecting. In our 60s, hearing of a 74-year-old dying from a heart attack seems so young. It’s all relative. Like I once read, “age is a moving target.” At my stage of life, 60 is the new 50. And still…I find myself pulling out my modest black dress for way too many funerals these days.
What scares me most is what will happen if and when I can’t take care of myself, or Harvey’s not around to take care of me in my old age. Having first-hand knowledge of seniors’ care facilities, the thought of living in one terrifies me. As anyone who is over the age of 60 knows, there is a woeful lack of decent intermediate and long-term care facilities. Knowing this, the aging journey seems like a hellish trek up Everest. I know there are things like “Better at Home,” the provincial program whose goal is to help seniors remain as independent as they can be while still living in their own home. They offer support so that seniors can age with dignity, while still staying connected to their community.
Sounds great on paper, right? But how many elderly people living alone in the Lower Mainland – and according to the stats, that’s primarily women – can afford current rents or property taxes? Darn few! With typically low incomes, many elderly women end up warehoused in seniors’ facilities.
It’s high time seniors banded together to demand more funding from the government, so that seniors can live out their days in a comfortable, safe environment, whatever that looks like. The older I get, the more I appreciate the urgency of this. So, next time you’re visiting a family member or friend in a care facility, look around and ask yourself: “Would I like to be living here?” If the answer is no, start doing something about it.
Shelley Civkin, the retired “Face of Richmond,” was a Librarian & Communications Officer at Richmond Public Library for nearly 30 years, and author of a weekly book review column for 17 years.
