As 2018 draws to a close at warp speed, I barely have time for reflection. As most retirees will tell you, the years fly by faster the older we get. No sooner did I retire nearly three years ago, than I launched myself into a bustling life of additions and divestments, sorrows and joys.
Pensive contemplation drapes over me like a flannel blanket as the year comes to an end. I’m warmed by the ever-present reminder that as I age, I finder fewer differences and more similarities with those around me. This is a comfort, since my younger years frequently found me in a struggle with myself, trying to define who I was in relation to others. Now, seizing opportunities to define and redefine myself constantly, I’m in perpetual growth mode. Plus, I judge less, and accept more.
One priceless lesson I’ve learned this year is this: Move towards what you want, instead of moving away from what you fear.
I can only speak for myself and speculate on my observations, but I believe that when we’re young, we’re busy puffing our feathers about jobs, cars, kids and homes. As we age, we shed ourselves of stuff, and find satisfaction and commonality in loving, sharing, helping and giving to others. Also, as we age we don’t take life quite as seriously.
Now, holding myself to account is a welcome challenge, and somehow seems more genuine the older I get. Always having been accountable to others, I rarely claimed that responsibility for myself. Now I own it. And facing confrontation is much less frightening now, too. In part, it comes from a changing sense of self. There is absolutely a feeling of empowerment that women embrace as they age. It’s a different kind of empowerment than we get from working, even for those holding positions of great responsibility. We somehow toughen in particular areas of our life, and soften noticeably in others.
The year 2018 was a great time for learning, for embracing my purpose in life. I’m truly in awe of the countless new concepts and ideas I’ve internalized, so much so that I feel somehow altered, reshuffled, stirred up. Can I point to one thing that precipitated it? Not really. It was a mish-mash of intentional learning, observing, and doing.
All I know is that I’m grateful for everything that comes to me; the good, the bad and the ugly. Especially if I translate it into forward motion. Because it all comes to teach me what I need to know.
Shelley Civkin, the retired “Face of Richmond,” was a Librarian & Communications Officer at Richmond Public Library for nearly 30 years, and author of a weekly book review column for 17 years.
