Richmond ladies linked by disease, defined by friendship

“I think it’s really an extended family; it’s like a sisterhood.”

For Laileen Springgay, the Thursday morning coffee group is so much more than meeting up with the ladies every week for a chit-chat.

Granted, that’s exactly what they’ve been for the last nine years; drinking coffee (not always good coffee, according to Springgay) and shooting the breeze at the Dining Terrace in Richmond Centre.

But it’s an unfortunate circumstance lying beneath the veneer of the group’s civility and company that pulls them together and bonds them in a way few community clubs can.

Hailing from different social and ethnic backgrounds, all nine of them are connected for life by the fact their husbands or spouses were diagnosed with various stages of Alzheimer’s.

And all but three of them - in the nine years they’ve been meeting outside of their Alzheimer’s support group – have lost their partners to the debilitating cognitive disease dubbed “the long goodbye.”

It hasn’t, however, stopped the ladies from getting together every week.

On the contrary, it has actually made them stronger.

“When you connect with people, it doesn’t matter the hardship you’re going through, it brings you close together,” said Springgay, whose husband, Bryan, was diagnosed more than 10 years ago in his early 60s with what’s called “early onset” Alzheimer’s.

“We don’t infringe on each other, but we are there for each other and we don’t dwell on the gloom and doom. It is what it is and sometimes there’s very little we can do.

“It’s not like a support group, where things are analyzed, we just meet and talk about what we want to talk about.

“You can’t put a price on knowing that you’re not alone. There is so much strength we get from each other, this group is so caring.

“And if you look at our group, we are very diverse in our backgrounds and, ironically, without Alzheimer’s, it’s unlikely we would ever meet.

“I guess it was mean to be. It is beautiful, but we don’t hang around each other’s doors. We do help each other with the stage of the journey we’re on.

“Over the years, we’ve invested emotionally in each other and people share what they want to share. It’s the best thing that’s happened to us.”

On Sunday, May 6, most of the coffee group will gather at Thompson Community Centre at 10 a.m. for the annual 5K, Investors Group Walk for Alzheimer's, where Bryan is this year’s honoree for the Richmond and Delta region.

Bryan, 71, is in a wheelchair and won’t be able to make it to the walk, said his wife, who will be taking part on his behalf.

Before his diagnosis, Bryan lived a life of adventure, climbing ancient ruins and visiting plantations in far-flung places.

He and his wife lugged photography equipment to pagoda peaks in Myanmar in time for sunset, toured Guatemala with a toddler in tow and danced on the streets of Trinidad and Tobago at Carnival.

He spent 35 years in the federal government, rising through the ranks as a Canadian Foreign Service Officer, meeting and marrying Laileen in New Delhi and raising their two children in cities around the world, before finally settling in Richmond in 2002.

With the walk in mind, Laileen is encouraging anyone living with the effects of Alzheimer’s to seriously consider coming out on the day and/or connect with local Alzheimer’s societies so they realize they’re not alone.

“Alzheimer’s does isolate you, because your loved one can’t engage with the world at the level as before,” she said.

“The programs are a beautiful thing for making those connections. And (the programs) are still in the local community centres around here, so you still feel a part of the community.

“It’s really important to be open and to talk about it. We all talk about cancer and it’s out there for all to see and hear. But with Alzheimer’s, I think there is still stigma with mental diseases.”

There are 23 similar walks taking place across B.C. for Canada’s biggest fundraiser for Alzheimer’s and other dementias.

Alzheimer’s is the most common form of dementia and affects 564,000 Canadians, with the number expected to reach 937,000 in 15 years. There is no known cure and the cause of it is still relatively unknown.

Registration for the May 6 walk at Thompson Community Centre starts at 9 a.m., the walk itself goes from 10 a.m. to 11:30 a.m.

For more information, email [email protected] or go online to AlzGiving.ca.