Big brothers are in short supply in Richmond

Amanda’s 10-year-old twin boys are growing up quickly — too quickly for her liking.

That’s not because they are getting into trouble. The only trouble they are having is finding an older male role model. That’s something Big Brothers of Greater Vancouver aims to provide but isn`t, due to a shortage of willing volunteers, especially in Richmond.

“I feel bad for my boys,” said Amanda, who did not want to use her real name. “When I separated from their father a few years ago, after we came to Canada from China, they only have me. And there’s only so much I can do with them.”

Luckily, her oldest son, who is now 13, has had a Big Brother for the past two years. But her twins have been on a waiting list for more than 24 months.

“They need someone to help them do the things I cannot,” said Amanda, who earned a masters in medical sciences and was a professor of physiotherapy in China, but hasn`t found comparable work in Canada.

“All the activities I’d like them to do, they are all very expensive. But what they really need is that contact with another person, a male who can share his time with them. Without that, their lives are pretty empty.

“It’s especially hard for us because we don’t have any friends or family here to help out.”

It’s a scenario that is becoming all too common.

“We’ve tried everything from postering all over the city in community centres and cafes, running social media ads, participating in all the post-secondary fairs, and asking our current volunteers to refer friends,” said Kristie Yung, Big Brothers’ senior marketing and communications manager. 

“I really think that having the media bring attention to this will show people that every day that passes actually does impact a child, and could be the difference between preventing them from going down the wrong path and choosing to take the right one.”

At the moment, waits like the one Amanda’s twins are experiencing are the norm.

Another local single mom, Judy, said she feels  fortunate that she only had to wait six months before finding a match for her two boys, Marcus, 12, and Kit, 10.

“Everyone can serve as a role model,” said Judy, who also did not want to use her real name. “It doesn’t matter how old you are and how many role models you have, it’s always amazing to have them in your life. And when parents get busy, children don’t always get that mature attention from someone who can spend time with them, laugh at their jokes and generally engage with them in their play time.

 “Having someone, who is not an authority figure, but who they can look up to is ideal.”

Judy said her boys have enjoyed their time each week and look forward to the meetings.

For her, it also provides hope for a better, social future for her sons.

“It’s a real gift to see my children not feel shy meeting new people,” she said. “I told them when they met someone who’s been my best friend for the past 30 years, that the first time I met them, they were a stranger.

“Everyone you meet in life is, at the outset, a stranger. It’s the time you put in to get to know them as friends that makes things special.”

It’s a life lesson Judy said she hopes may one day prompt her boys to be big brothers, too.

“They haven’t mentioned that yet, but I hope they do and eventually understand what is being done for them,” she said. “Right now, I think they are just enjoying their time with their big brothers.

“But I want them to realize, when they are 20-years-old, that someone volunteered to spend time with them each week,” she added. “That’s a pretty big deal that someone contributed so much to their lives. It also shows them the altruistic part of being a volunteer.”

Big Brothers of Greater Vancouver is a registered charity that has been operating in the Lower Mainland since 1978. It was previously known as Big Brothers of BC.

All volunteers are carefully screened, interviewed and a trained male volunteer is matched with a boy between the ages of seven and 12 to spend two to four hours per week together.

For more information about volunteering, visit online at BigBrothersVancouver.com and click on the volunteer tab.